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"When you live in the shadow of insanity,the appearance of another mind that thinks and talks as yours does is something close to a blessed event." Robert Pirsig "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"

"Would I rather have the truth or a lie that gives hope? I'd rather have the truth." - Louis Theroux (Reporter)

Religions must update beliefs · The views of JP (Metro, The) demonstrate that most disturbing aspect of organised religion - the unshakeable belief that whatever acts are done in line with your interpretation of the teachings of your god must be morally right. This way of thinking has justified countless atrocities, massacres and holy wars throughout history, and continues to destroy the lives of people around the globe today. I am not anti-religion by any means, but anyone who believes they have all the answers is a dangerous person. Whether you want to call them religious fanatics, fundamentalists or extremists, their unquestioning belief that their hatred and prejudice is sanctioned by their god allows them to commit acts of barbarism against other human beings. JP argues that 'religion has nothing to do with being relevant to modern society' but, if religions don't update their attitudes, we will never be able to move past the mentality that led to crusades and jihads. Surely, people can see that using your religion to justify persecuting a man [Dr Jeffrey John] on the basis of his sexuality is the thin end of the same wedge that justifies Islamic extremists' attacks on the 'corrupt West'? But then again, that's the problem with people with blind faith in organised religion - they can never accept that they could be wrong. Michael Axe, Surrey (Metro July 9,2003)

"It is more justifiable to say that those without any scientific understanding miss a whole body of experience;they are rather like the tone deaf from whom all musical experience is cut off and who have to get on without it."
- CP Snow (Writer)

"Eyewitness testimony is notoriously unreliable" - Dr Chris French (Parapsychologist)

"A mathematician,like a painter or a poet,is a master of pattern"- GH Hardy (Mathematician)

"There is, perhaps some strong similarity between musical composition and mathematical thinking" - R.Penrose (Mathematician)

Music is the pleasure the human soul experiences from counting without being aware that it is counting - Leibniz (Mathematician)

"The knowledge at which geometry aims is the knowledge of the eternal" -Plato (Republic)

"Scientists don't believe anything.Scientists test things" -Simon Conway-Morris (Evolutionary Biologist)

"The third rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority.The second rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority.The first rate mind is only happy when it is thinking" -A.A.Milne

"I thought dabbling in the black arts would be good for a chuckle,how wrong I was" - Bart Simpson

 " 'Highlander' a story of epic Greek proportions" - Sarah Greene

"He was caught in a no win situation,and he chose the wrong option" - The Phillips report on BSE about John Gummer (Agriculture Minister)

"That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted,and I once ate a bowl of salt" -Fry - "Futurama"

"What God wants,God gets,God help us all" - Roger Waters "Amused to Death"

Dr Albright: "For future reference - I have a red Volvo"
Dick Solomon: "Pleeease,Dr Albright,we hardly know each other" - "3rd Rock from the Sun"

Major Carter: "Even at 300,000km/s it will take over ten years to get there"
Colonel O'Neill:"I shoud've let the dog out" -"Stargate SG1"

Colonel O'Neill:"We're exactly one zap gun short of actually having a zap gun." -"Stargate SG1"
.

"The suspect is on the move,and his girlfriend is with him,the lads reckon something is going down." - Prime Suspect.

I've heard that word LOVE so many times from the mouths of so many people who don't know what it is." - Richard Rigel in Robert Pirsig's "Lila".

"Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is." - Bill Hicks (comedian).

"Only in America is it that people think that safety is enhanced by having an increasing number of guns." - Greg Proops (comedian).

"I have been asked why I oppose Christianity.I have several reasons which shall appear in due course.At the present I offer one. I oppose Christianity because it is not true.No honest man will ask for any other reason" - Robert Blatchford in "God and my neighbour".

"The philosopher should be a man willing to listen to every suggestion,but determined to judge for himself.He should not be a respector of persons,but of things.Truth should be his primary object." - Michael Faraday
.

"Solutions are not the answer." - Richard Nixon (US President).

"I have some opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't necessarily agree with them." - George Bush snr.

" I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love." - Mitt Romney

"This is the education they needed mother. The education that all Americans should have gotten" - Harrison Ford extols the virtues of education whilst indicating his lack of English grammar in Mosquito Coast.

"If you want to vote for Stacey (Solomon) ,just put one on the end of it." - Advice given to X-factor voters,which sounds like it came from Jeremey Kyle.

"My wife gave me this watch - I rather thought we'd wind up together" - Robert de Niro in Midnight Run.

"I tried to keep him here,I asked him if he wanted to see this lovely clock,but he said he didn't have the time" - Shop owner to the Feds about a suspect in KILLER INSTINCT.

"I finally built up the guts to tell him" - Overweight bulimic lady on Jeremy Kyle on keeping her eating disorder from her husband.

"You know what they call alternative medicine proven to work? MEDICINE! - Tim Minchin.

"We got a lot of joy out of finding the top of the shaft" - Excavator upon finding the underground exit to Stalag Luft3 in Ch4 'Digging the Great Escape'.

"So you had a bad period back then" - Mark Kermode interviewing Kevin Rowland of Dexy's Midnight Runners,after talking about him wearing a woman's dress.

"Would the universe implode if Gary Oldman met Gary Numan?" - Me ( I eat dust).

"..the evidence he had was just the tip of the iceberg..." - narrator on documentary about the Empress of Ireland after previously mentioning the case of the Titanic.

"It was up and down right from the start" - Sally,describing how her marriage was on Jeremy Kyle.

"We have to ram this message home" - Alistair Stewart perhaps does not use the right turn of phrase trying to convince people not to become an RTA statistic.

"I will give these guys one beautiful ride" - Jack Swaggart expresses deep heterosexuality about the Apollo 13 crew.

"What really blows me away is the customer service" - customer remarking on the benefits of Lovehoney sex toy service,who probably needs new priorities.

"Don't blow the ending for me" - Bill Murray remarks on the Kama Sutra to Karen Allen in Scrooged,perhaps needs to re-read the oral sex chapter.

".....cuts to the heart of what it means to be a psychopath." - narrator uses choice words to describe Heath Ledger's Joker.

Wolfe :"I am not denying anything"
Bergerac:"Do you deny killing him?"
Wolfe:"I am not denying anything, sergeant. Of course,I deny killing him...deliberately." Bergerac scriptwriter needs lessons in logic.

Bergerac S8E8 All The Sad Songs [46mins in]

"We're absolutely not in denial" - Rex Strong,unsure of what the word 'denial' means.

"I see the family jewels have come out for the occasion." - party attendee to Charlie Hungerford in Bergerac (On the Rocks).

"There's one particular black cock that has made me smile" - Michaela Strachan on Winterwatch.

"Are you going to invite me into your little haven?" - Tommy walsh on 'Fix your house for free' to a female client.

"Let's have a look at our teasing tits." - Michaela Strachan on Springwatch.

"This is Alan,he always makes good decisions even when they are wrong ones." - Ann Barnes,Kent Police commissioner introducing new police chief.

On being offered the choice of a tough guy (Jason Statham) or geek (Brian Cox),Mel Goidryc on '8 out of 10 cats' replied "Give me Cox every time".

Inviting panellists of 8 out of 10 cats as guests on her antidote to 'The Voice',Kathryn Ryan suggested they "Come on 'the Ass' ".

Unusual Suspects covering the activities of housepainter and murderer John Famalaro said his friends had 'painted a darker picture of him'.

Passport to Murder reporting on one incident concerning a ballistics test,described the results as ' a bombshell',and news about the case as 'dynamite'.

"Whoever got this job,would make a killing",comment on PLANES THAT NEVER FLEW about a prototype fighter aircraft.

Medical Detectives reporting on Devon Guzman,who was found murdered and was found 'covered in her jacket,which police found to be revealing'.
Was it a see through jacket,or are the police endowed with X-ray vision?

"Christmas wrapping paper.....I can't get my head round it." - Jason Manford on 8 out of 10 cats,seems to misunderstand what wraps round what.

Mr Gove is prepared to spend "two months taking a good thrashing from Theresa, if that's what it takes" - Nick Boles indicates Michael Gove may get for free, what some might pay good money for.

Nicola Ann Roberts on Overseas Hell described her increasingly desperate situation in Africa as 'looking very black'.

'I was born a midget,it's the way I grew up' - Miss Bruce uses contradictory language in 'The Incredible Shrinking Man'.

"Are your husband's the best you've ever tasted?" Reporter to woman in SWARMED.

"Finding a lady to go out with would help fill a little hole" - David on UNDATEABLES.

"My exec is perfectly capable of relieving me" - Kevin Tobey in It Came From Outer Space.

In the John Helble case on MEDICAL DETECTIVES,police,who utilised hairs from John's dog Keisha to solve the case were described as 'having few leads'.No wonder the dog was found walking around alone.

Do you think the series BOTTOM has gone down in the anals of history?




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